Why discipline does not equal freedom
(And why Jocko Willink is wrong about motivation, success and true peak performance.)
Ex Navy Seal hard man turned author; Jocko Willink preaches that discipline equals freedom.
His message is that when you use discipline to forcefully suppress and combat all perceived weakness, it is possible to finally defeat the perceived darkness inside you and be free from the tendencies that will ruin your life if left unmanaged.
While most people are impressed by his soldier like extremism, his is a difficult model to replicate even for the most devoted of his followers.
For the average person, the discipline equals freedom message must become diluted to a more manageable form. Willink’s mantra ends up being modified to use self-discipline to make yourself complete all the difficult things you need to do, then you will have the freedom to use any left-over time or energy to do whatever you really want to be doing.
Either way, ‘discipline equals freedom’ does not hold up under scrutiny.
If you were to closely track my every movement and motivation over a 7-day period, for instance, you would find there is not a single moment spent doing anything that I do not want to do. Likewise, there is nothing in my life that is controlled using discipline and yet I am free all the time. I have first-hand experience that discipline does not equal freedom, because I am free without it!
Contrary to the common fear, leaving myself unmanaged does not make me as a lazy, self-indulgent narcissist.
Every day I run, write, read, coach, love, give, serve, and contribute to the collective consciousness. I have the health I desire, the lifestyle I desire, the relationships I desire, and do the work I desire. I have not settled for a life that is anything less than I want, in any single area, and I never use self-discipline to get me what I want.
There can be no freedom when you are at war with yourself. Freedom comes when there is peace.
Let me deconstruct the self-discipline model further and then show you the life changing alternative.
Self discipline = Management.
Self-discipline is to use your best energy against yourself to make yourself what you fear wouldn't happen otherwise. This is to manage yourself from a place of mistrust.
Granted, some could argue that this works, but this could be countered by asking for an examination of exactly what is meant by the word ‘works’.
Sure, it is possible to make yourself do the things you don’t want to do, but to suggest this is desirable, sustainable and the pinnacle of human performance is extremely short sighted.
Management = mistrust
If you have ever been managed by someone else, it can only be because you’ve behaved in a way that makes them not trust you. Yet if you’ve found yourself being managed from a place of mistrust because of a prior mistake, sure you accept that a mistake was made, but it is also inevitable that you feel misunderstood. Your behaviour has been judged while the reason you behaved this way has never been truly seen.
Mistrust = misunderstanding
To be misunderstood is to suffer an injustice. It is unfair and unkind, and if left unreviewed, ultimately causes deep seated resentment. No relationship can thrive, let alone survive under these conditions.
Misunderstandings = Betrayal.
In the same way that results achieved from a person being managed are never their best, there is no way that results produced under the duress of self-discipline are anywhere near your best either.
Just like the catastrophic impact of being in a long-term relationship where you’ve been managed for a significant amount of time, Eventually the part of you that has been managed, mistrusted, and betrayed will no longer be willing to be treated this way, and will demand a rethinking of the nature of your relationship whatever that may cost.
To have been managed without hope of review is to have suffered the worst kind of betrayal.
Mid-life = Exhaustion
Eventually the cycle of management from a place of mistrust inevitably reaches its limit.
Self-discipline is a young person’s game. It only works when you have energy to waste.
Betrayal = resentment + resistance = exhaustion.
While it is possible that trying to prove and defend yourself from a place of mistrust and insecurity may be a powerful motivator, it is also a very destructive and unsustainable form of motivation. The older you get, the more negative the impact this unresolved fear will have on your ability to get the results you desire. (This image is taken from my third book - Unhindered. The seven essential practices for overcoming insecurity.)
Exhaustion = leverage
If you have been managing yourself from a place of mistrust for years, resourced in your efforts by the extra energy of youth, and now the energy has run out, the part of you that has been managed can finally push back in the hope of negotiating better terms of relationship.
It is as though your unconscious mind says - well if you want me to be your enemy, well I will be your enemy. But just know that I control 90% of all your functions, so good luck winning the battle. More and more fuses will be disconnected in the switchboard until you are finally ready to cooperate.
Practically speaking, this resistance will show up physically, emotionally, mentally, psychologically. It will feel like brain fog, low motivation, burnout, lack of clarity, and weird health stuff.
Until you are willing to review, you will be resisted.
Resistance = love
Despite influential voices such as David Goggins and Stephen Pressfield urging you to heed Jocko Willink’s advice and fight against your resistance, wisdom would suggest that you to listen to the loving message being presented to you instead.
More courage, less fear, harden up, just get it done etc, etc, etc = Eye roll, eye roll, eye roll.
The best of you knows the truth. Your setup is not safe.
What if you were to listen to yourself to truly understand why you were being lovingly resisted in the first place rather than assuming the resistance is trying to ruin your life and must be ruthlessly overcome.
The resistance is restricting your progress until you deal with unresolved stuff that has come between you. That is an act of protection, and we only protect that which we value and love. There is no freedom, because you are being resisted on purpose so that you do not make things worse. You are already precariously placed because of how unsafe your set up is.
Love = Clear communication.
Love wants the best for you. If you are willing to listen, the instructions to deal with the safety issues will not be obscure or unsolvable.
Is it safe for you to be attractive? If not your health and weightless goals will be resisted.
Is it safe for you to be wealthy? If not, your business growth and financial goals will be sabotaged.
Is it safe for you to speak up? If not, your book writing or public speaking goals will be thwarted.
It turns out you do not have permission from yourself to succeed under your current operating setup. So here it is. The question that changes everything:
What conditions would need to be satisfied for you to have full permission from yourself to succeed in these areas?
There are always 4 conditions.
When you are finally ready to end the war, break through the misunderstanding and rebuild the relationship with yourself, there is a conversation to be had about 4 categories of your life
Broken trust
Neediness
Poor gameplay
Incongruent avatars
Wondering how you’d score in each of these areas right now? Take the self-permission test to find out for sure.
To find out how to address and satisfy the safety breach in each of these areas, each condition is explained thoroughly in “The self-permission method. How to succeed in life without using self discipline”
