How to change the people you love

“Don’t change the people you love” may be the single worst relationship advice ever given. 

The truth is; if you don’t change those you love they’ll annoy the shit out of you, and you’ll end up hating them. 

The thing about relationships is that they inevitably lead us into conflict. In the process of getting to know someone, beyond the initial honeymoon period where everyone is perfect and on their best behaviour, there arises moments of discord, that annoy, frustrate or offend. 

In these pivotal moments, there are only 2 choices. Move through the conflict effectively toward intimacy or become blocked by the conflict and diverge toward an arrangement. Either there is nothing between you, or there is stuff between you. Intimacy or arrangement. How you handle conflict determines which one it will be. 

All effective conflict resolution comes down to one word. Leverage. Either you fight with leverage or without it. With leverage you move through conflict to intimacy. Without leverage you get stopped and diverge at conflict and move into arrangements.

While the concept of leverage is basic and straight forward, the process of acquiring true leverage is difficult. There are five key components to gaining leverage within your most important relationships and therefore having the ability to effectively change the people you love. 

Listen in to today’s episode of 10 minute Tuesday to find out exactly what these 5 concepts are and how to apply them to your relationships.