15 ways to tell if you are acting out of insecurity.

15 ways to tell if you are acting out of insecurity

I get it…No one wants to be called insecure. Yet if insecurity goes unaddressed in your life it will end up ruining you. Coaching always begins with honesty about where you are now, without any judgment. There is no right or wrong, good or bad…just what is.

Until you come out of hiding and own your current reality, it is impossible to get to where you want to be.


Here are 15 clear signs to tell if you are acting out of insecurity.  

I’ll warn you now…This list isn’t pretty, but we each have to face these things at some stage, as the fear of not being enough is a universal challenge to overcome. 

Take a deep breath and be as honest with yourself as possible. See which of these things show up in your life.


Everything feels personal.

Every event, conversation and experience is interpreted through the fear of not being enough.  You are always edgy about what is going on around you because everything touches you personally.

You are unhealthy and overweight.

Carrying extra weight is almost always a hide out. You don’t like the way you look which adds to your insecurity, but at least people don’t expect you to be awesome, so you can’t really disappoint them and you don’t have to put yourself out there.


You always need to be the center of attention and constantly seek approval and validation from your world to make you feel better about yourself. This proves a lack of internal self esteem.


The most insecure people are always the most selfish as well. If you don’t get taken care of by others, then you fear you will go without. You have to make sure your needs are always met by those around you.

You are always defensive.

You feel you have to protect your image, and make sure you are always seen in the best light. You can’t afford anyone to see through the game playing and façade you are holding up.

You never back down and find it very difficult to apologise.

You have no reverse gear. Once you are engaged in something, even if you are wrong, you can’t back down and admit your mistake. The underlying logic is: if you’ve done something wrong or bad, then you must be bad…That is too painful, so you need to defend you position instead, no matter what.

Jealousy eats at you.

You are always comparing yourself with what everyone else is doing and having and looking over the fence feeling that others have it better than you.

You put others down through gossip and slander.

By highlighting others weaknesses you get to elevate yourself above them.

You are fantastic at holding a grudge.

A great way of proving you are better than others is by never allowing them to forget their mistakes.

You overreact.

Because everything is personal, tiny issues become life and death issues. Things escalate quickly and you get angry and frustrated over trivial things that aren’t that big a deal in the scheme of things.

There is a high level of blame and excuse in your life.

You constantly externalise your issues so you avoid having to take responsibility. Nothing is your fault or your responsibility. You deeply fear being found out as inadequate or not enough, so you constantly deflect the attention by pointing the finger at others.

You are often angry and frustrated at others.

Frustration with others is actually about your deep frustration with yourself. It’s just easier to point out others stupidity than deal with your own flaws and mistakes.

You have to have the last word.

You feel the need prove your worth to the world by always being right and in control.

You always remain in you strength.

Vulnerability is terrifying.  You find ways to play the game in a way that means you never lose. You never do things that you are not good at where others may perceive you as weak or inadequate.

You always have something to prove.

You can never relax or rest. You are constantly promoting yourself and are driven to prove your worth to the world by what you can achieve and accomplish. You sometime lie or embellish the truth to make yourself look better.


As painful as it may be to admit to insecurity, it is entirely possible to overcome this fear and live with a beautiful sense of personal security and the genuine belief that you are entirely enough! 

For a clear framework that will help you overcome all insecurity, check out www.jaeminfrazer.com