The impact of insecurity on performance as we age
Insecurity
In the judgment-free space, insecurity is neither good nor bad. If we explore the impact insecurity has on your ability to generate real results, you may be surprised. In fact, insecurity may be the thing driving up performance in your 20’s. It is often the most insecure young people who do the most extraordinary things. Being driven to desperately prove your value and worth to the world by what you can achieve is a powerful source of motivation.
This driven-ness makes people unrealistic, unreasonable and irrational, all of which drives up their performance capacity. The word NO does not compute as a reason to stop. In fact, it becomes the trigger to ramp up the intensity of their desire to prove that NO is wrong. The best way to motivate an insecure 20-year-old is to tell them they can’t or won’t. The word no is like rocket fuel.
At the time of writing this book, the 10-part Netflix documentary on Michael Jordan had just been released. One of the most remarkable things of the Jordan backstory is the exposé into what drove him to perform at such a high level.
Initially, it was the need to be recognised in the same category as Magic Johnston and Larry Bird as one of the all-time greats, but soon it became the drive to be the greatest. Jordan was unquestionably one of the most talented players the world had ever seen, but what unleashed the true superstar in him was the drive to prove he was better than everyone else. The moment someone appeared to cast shade on him or outper- form him, it instantly became personal. This lit a fire inside him where failure was removed from the list of possible outcomes. From that moment it was win at all costs. No matter what.
This is the power insecurity has to drive up performance. Such was Jordan’s need to declare his power to the world by dominating others, there was nothing that could get in his way. By the end of his reign as the best sportsman the world had ever seen, it could be argued that he was aware of the power being personally slighted gave him and, therefore, deliberately attracted and hung onto such events to give him the necessary performance boost. In fact, he even went as far as fabricating a story of an opponent sledging him after a game just so he could use it as fuel to outperform this player in the following match.
While Michael Jordan’s example highlights the wonderful performance enhancing drug of insecurity from 20–30 years old, it also beautifully demonstrates the downturn as the years pass by.
Being fuelled by insecurity is unsustainable. It creates massive collateral damage, especially to relationships and health, and ultimately creates exhaustion and burnout. By the time Jordan had won his 6th championship, he was mentally and physically wiped out. Whether he could have gone on to win another title with the Bulls, had the management not dismantled the team, is forever debated. But what cannot be disputed is that sooner or later, some young buck would eventually rise up and take his crown. It is one thing to dominate all comers at 30, but if you still need to prove to the world how great you are at 40, you’ll be laughed off the court. Your mouth will be writing cheques your body cannot cash.
To be still driven to prove your awesomeness to the world at 40 years old is incredibly exhausting. Not only are you running out of steam, but those around you are tired of you as well. It becomes harder and harder to force yourself to perform and the insecure 40-year-old is increasingly lonely and isolated.
From 40-50, insecure people either give up on their own performance goals altogether or transfer their ambition for significance into their kids’ performance. If proving their value and worth through their own results can’t work anymore, then maybe they will show they matter by having their children achieve great things.
It is important to state that insecurity in a person’s 20’s may also result in paralysis and inaction. At its best, insecurity will be a powerful motivator for all kinds of wonderful and bold action. At its worst, it will cause a person to run away and hide.
The point is, insecurity is more likely to drive up results than security is at this point in life.
Security
In contrast, the secure 20-year-old will often show up in the world pretty relaxed. If there is nothing to prove or defend, it doesn’t really matter what they do. Their confidence may cause them to be more realistic about their lack of skills and knowledge. Then they would be more inclined to settle down, wait their turn, learn their craft and accept their place in the world. Compared with their driven friends, it would often appear that they are significantly under-performing.
In general, this relationship between insecurity and performance starts to change at around 30 years of age. This is often where insecurity starts to cost you more than it is benefiting you. On the other hand, this is also the point where security starts paying off in terms of your capacity to perform at your best. From age 30-40, this trend continues significantly.
Intimate relationships can be built on insecurity successfully in your 20’s but put two insecure people together for 10 years and they will have sucked each other dry. If both parties fail to solve their insecurity problem, it spells disaster for the relationship.
Secure people’s relationships start to really blossom in their 30’s and 40’s. They’ve done the groundwork together, sorted through most of the significant conflict two people face when joining their lives together, and are ready to capitalise on the fruit of their labours.
At the time of writing this book, my wife and I are both 41 years old and have been married since 19. The deep personal development work we have both done overcoming insecurity in the last ten years has strengthened us and brought a richness to our relationship. We are more in love than we’ve even been and are incredibly excited about our future together.
There is no way we could have done this work in our 20’s. We were both finding our way in our careers, grappling with the overwhelming challenges of being new parents, and were desperate to prove that we could be responsible adults.
This is also true in the areas of finance, career, health, and happiness. Being driven to prove something is useful in your 20’s but that insecurity will start causing grief into your 30’s. As you head towards mid-life however, it is deep personal security in your own value and worth that radically drives up performance in every area of your life instead.
The point is, before you reach 30, insecurity may be work- ing really well for you. In that case, it doesn’t make sense to resolve the fear driving you at this point in your life. However, the older you get, less advantages can be found trying to prove yourself. Unresolved insecurity is now inevitably lead- ing you towards madness. That is the only possible outcome.
As you age, insecurity becomes the number one inhibitor of performance in life and business and it is security that opens up new levels of growth and success. Therefore, until you solve the insecurity problem in your life, you’ll never achieve your potential.
This is an excerpt from Jaemin’s book “Unhindered - The 7 essential practices for overcoming insecurity“